Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
