like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
