How'd it feel making her break her religion?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm both gender and math confused
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
