I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Randomize
