Three words: puerto rican gang bang
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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