i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
