Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
