I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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