I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
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