Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize