when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
God, you're like boner-b-gone
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
