Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
