and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
It's shark week go big or go home
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
