that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
