so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Small penises have feelings too.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
