So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
