I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
