he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize