I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
and you fell through a lawn chair
Dicks are not precious.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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