Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize