I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
