I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
We had to coat check the pizza.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
