'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
