Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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