I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize