Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
