im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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