Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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