My brain says no but my pants say off.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
