$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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