I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
