Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
