I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize
