Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
