Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I think my moral compass just broke
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
