life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
