i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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