And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
