honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
