did you get engaged???
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize