can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
