Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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