That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
