Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize