New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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