I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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