shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
