I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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