My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize