Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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