When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I think my moral compass just broke
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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