Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
