I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I think people are normalizing furries
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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