He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
