I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
