You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You've changed since you got that strap on
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize