my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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