I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
