I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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