i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
