I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
