I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Dicks are not precious.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
