So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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