you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
