Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
