I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
