do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
