WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
