I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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