I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
