Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Randomize
