Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
