Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
