Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
