eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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