A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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