I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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