one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
