Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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