Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
