I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
