Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
