DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Damn victory sex feels great
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
