the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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