is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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