fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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