brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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