You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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