i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
