I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
