a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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