I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
this beer tastes like vomit already
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
