Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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