I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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