There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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