I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
