There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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