come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
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