I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
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