I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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