I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
